On Friday, April 16 I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. I knew I was a little late, and thought better safe than sorry. So the boys and I went to Meijer and bought a pregnancy test. I couldn't wait to take it so we went in to the handicap stall - me and my boys and the big shopping cart. Sure enough the two lines appeared! I was so excited. I couldn't stop smiling! I wanted to tell Joe in a cute way, but due to some changes in plan beyond our control, I ended up telling him over the phone. Not so cute or creative...but he was also very happy. I am so greatful to always have his support and enthusiasm about our family. One of the biggest (of many) reasons I so love him. Anyway...we told friends and family and everyone was very happy for us.
The following Friday, April 23 I went to the doctor. They confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test, but I requested an ultrasound because I just didn't "feel" pregnant. I don't know how to describe it but after 2 healthy pregnancies I know what I should feel like and I had had ZERO symptoms. They appeased me, and the ultrasound showed...well, not really anything. As I had suspected, there wasn't what should be there for as far along as I should be based on my last cycle. My doctor explained that maybe I just wasn't as far along as I thought and they would draw my blood and check my estrogen level once a week for 2 weeks to confirm it was high and increasing. So they drew my blood, and I left. Not knowing if I was pregnant, not pregnant or had miscarried.
On Monday I got a voicemail from the Nurse Practioner that said my estrogen was over 8000, I was "definetly pregnant," she "didn't think I needed to come back and draw more blood - Congratulations!". So we told everyone I was pregnant. But I still didn't feel pregnant.
The following day, Tuesday, I got a voicemail from my OB doctor. She said my estrogen level was over 5000 (3000 below what the NP had said in the previous day's voicemail). She also said that I needed to come back in and have blood work drawn to confirm my estrogen level was rising, and that I was pregnant. This was a very different message than what I got the day before. So I called her back and asked what was going on. I never really got an answer on why the messages were so different...but she explained that the original estrogen level showed that I at least had been pregnant, but not neccesarily that I still was. If the second reading was higher that would be a good sign, but if it were lower it would be a sign of miscarriage and we would follow up with an ultrasound in a few weeks to determine.
WHAT?!?!?
Who has to wait WEEKS to find out if they are pregnant?!?!?
So, I went last Friday, April 30 and had my blood drawn and now we are just waiting for the results. Kinda a big deal... I gotta say I still don't feel pregnant. So my guess is that I miscarried early on and my body just hasn't figured it out yet. But you never know.
God is certainly capable of miracles. I think of Abraham and Sarah having a son at 90 and 100 years old. I am confident that if this is God's time, we will have a baby; and if not, we won't. I am ok either way. I would love to have another baby, but I will do it in God's time and not my own.
A friend commented how well I was handling all this, and I think it starts with our whole perspective on family. The Catholic Church requires that members in good standing with the church NOT use any form of artificial birth control (unfortunately many members do use it, and miss out on the blessings of trusting God to plan your family, their loss). Actually ALL protestant denominations also shared this teaching up until the 1930's. Anyway...when you take out the artificial means of planning your family and leave it up to God, it can be a little scary. It's a lot of trust, a lot of faith. But who better to plan your family size, timing, etc. than a most loving Father, who always has our best interest in mind?!?! Catholics are allowed to use Natural Family Planning, which is a more advanced and far more accurate version of the rhythm method (or at least that's the quickest way to easily describe it, click on the link for more info). But honestly, Joe and I don't even do that. Call it a little bit of laziness, and a lot of faith! We are ok with having our children when God sends them and trusting his timing and perfect plan in every aspect of our life - even the bedroom! :) I don't know why God would allow anyone to miscarry. Maybe that will be one of the questions I ask him. But for now, I know that He loves us, I know that His plan is perfect and I know He is in control. He has blessed me with two healthy, happy, sweet, loving little boys already. I am blessed beyond my wildest expectations and am so greatful for my sweet boys. If they are all I ever have I will be fulfilled. If there is more to come I will be greatful.
I will let you know what we find out...
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