{Not to Be...The Final Verdict}

In case you haven't heard, we lost baby #3. A few weeks ago I was spotting and cramping, and I knew the combination of the two was not a good thing. So I called my doctor. She was on vacation but agreed to meet me at the office anyway. She ran a little late, so by the time she had gotten there I had plenty of time to pray and really felt like God was preparing me for the baby to be gone. I was even Googling D&C on my cell phone while I waited for her. Sure enough - the ultrasound showed no baby. I was very sad, but at the same time grateful that we had had a few red flags from the get-go, so we had never really let ourselves get totally excited and comfortable. I guess you could say we weren't taking anything for granted. Telling Joe was quite possibly one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I love my husband for his optimism, but in this case I think it left him a little less prepared then I was. Unfortunately I had to do it over the phone too. Sad. But God bless him for his love and support for me, knowing as hard as it was for him it was even harder for me. Thankfully we have each others love and support.

We choose to allow the Lord to decide when and how he sends our babies, so I guess that means I have to trust Him when to take them. Doesn't make it any easier, but it does make me grateful. I am thankful that the Lord's plan is always perfect, even when I don't understand it; and grateful that He knows what is best for me, even if I don't like it; and I feel blessed to know He loves me more than I can even imagine is possible. So I will accept His will, knowing it is what is right, and best, and good.

So, we love you sweet little baby #3. We look forward to seeing you one day in heaven. In the mean time please pray for us, watch over us, and I will rest assured knowing you have the most amazing nannies caring for you until we can be there with you.